a hodge podge

Note: Due to a lack of color on WordPress I will, from now on, be changing the color of my text and adding pictures with each post that may or may not be relevant to my writing…but is relevant to the addition of color. This one, unfortunately, is black and white but is too appropriate to not use.

I’ve allowed myself to lose my joy over the past couple of years. Overall, I have been fine day to day but every so often it would hit me and I would have a mini-crisis. I would be overwhelmed by the fact that I don’t have any close friends locally (closer than 45 minutes), that I didn’t have a car and I felt stuck at home, that I felt like we didn’t have a clear direction for our future but knowing it was something important.

As of late, it seems that I have been on a God-ordained, outside of my control, course of discovering what happiness really is. Some or most of this maybe seem silly, immature or plain old ridiculous, but I wanted to put this out there because it is real and because I am thankful. I thought that when I got a car I would be able to go places, have variety, see friends and thus solve my problems. Don’t get me wrong, having this car is great, but it has only reminded me of the friends that are not there. (It also reminded me of how much work it is to take two babies out to do anything!)

This is where I will sound shallow and misguided: With or without realizing, I would like to shop if I was feeling blue. (Disclaimer: I do not have piles of new items and hidden credit card bills…I’m not that far off center!). I recently became aware of this tendency and also of the lack of any lasting satisfaction (no kidding, right?).

I was flipping through a book today and read these powerful words spoken by Abraham Lincoln:

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

 I read these words and thought to myself:

Snap out of it!

I have a wonderful family, a loving and supportive extended family, incredible friends, a great church, many, many physical blessings…and Jesus who has given me salvation, peace and has promised promises that are more than I could dream up. There is nothing in my life to be unhappy about.

The other part of this quote really has my wheels turning as well: Happiness is not a destination. I, of course, know this. Although, I seemed to have forgotten. Happiness will not be when we are in full time ministry, more involved with missions or have the greatest friends living next door. I was suffering from severe greener grass syndrome. I remembered today the blessings from God. My girls will never be these amazing ages again. We will never have this chapter of our lives back…so we need to live this chapter with fullness.

I’ve been on this journey before to differing degrees but am so thankful that Jesus desired to guide my journey of happiness and do a deeper work in my heart.